Un Promemoria

She who licks her lips knows the taste of her lover's desire.

The Quiet Before the Storm

So many changes, so little time!

A year ago: I was probably enjoying a stress-free Sunday in my bed, hungover from a crazy Saturday with my girl friends, reading texts or checking calls and making sure I did not drunk dial anyone. The next day, I'd be up early for my OJT at a placement firm in Makati. Just a year ago, I was happy and contented that my life would be composed of thousands of resumes, rejection interviews, cups of coffee/tea, office gossip and blistered feet.

Seven months ago: Somewhere along the road I changed my mind. I realized that I cannot live in that confine nor can I see myself being a corporate high-maintenance biatch (not that my bosses were, actually they were very kind but along the way you'll realize a lot of them are). I saw my office-mates and bosses who were 5-7 years in their profession and their life to me seemed so.. lacking. I felt like I needed more. A challenge! Something that'll keep that passion in me burning. Or maybe it was the pressure of NMAT or the nostalgic feelings of childhood dreams and pinky promises I gave my parents. Maybe. But life decisions like this don't just happen in a whim. It was there deep in my heart.

Four months ago: I got my results for NMAT and got accepted by University of the East Ramon Magsaysay Memorial Medical Center (what a long name). But most of all, I got the approval of my uncles and aunts who are the most generous people ever. I cannot thank them enough, really. Over a month ago: I was still stressed with my finals, thesis and other school requirements. I just couldn't wait for it to be over. But at the same time, I can not believe it ended so soon. It's true that UP has molded me into the person I have become. This is where I learned to cut classes for drinking's sake, get high and really care for things that matter. I can name so many things but then again this is a public blog so I'll keep it at that. Hehe! It was the ultimate college experience. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. Maybe a couple of things but hey, I survived.

16 days ago: After completing my clearance, renting my toga, getting my sablay, buying my shoes and dresses, having my hair and make-up done... etc... I FINALLY GRADUATED! Life is good. I never thought the feeling of actually graduating can feel that good. Back in grade school and high school, it was more of a drama-fest where all you guys do are cry and wish that your BFFs will always be your BFFS (or not). But a university graduation feels like you finally got recognized for who you are, who you have become and what you have accomplished. Sarap ng feeling! ;-)

Today: Here I am on another lazy Sunday afternoon, typing away my thoughts. Right now I am in an in-between and I love it. This is the quiet before the storm that is medical school. On June 11, everything will be new and frightful. Right now, I am in a safe place where all I have to think of is taking a shower, filling my stomach and how many torrents I have successfully downloaded. If life were always like this, it'll be easy and breezy. But life is never easy and breezy, is it?

Sometimes I feel like I need a complete overhaul or else I won't succeed. But previous experiences taught me to work with what you have now and improve on what you lack. I guess that'll be my approach for med school. Of course, I have more lacking that what I really got going but I know I have one thing that'll give me an edge for sure: my passion to succeed. I may tumble down or fall but I never failed to succeed. :-)

Pretty Boy

My Kuya Aljo is one of the most good looking people I know, no bias here! And unfortunately I don’t look much like him. Hahaha! Wasn’t he the cutest? :D

Happy 25th birthday, I love you so much!

Dear Dad

I can't believe a decade has passed, almost half of my life spent without you. As a kid, I thought it would've been impossible to survive without one's dad or mom but I'm about to graduate now and maybe even enter med school. We used to dream about that together didn't we? Well a lot of our dreams have come true Dad, and a lot of them still waiting to happen.

"We may never, never meet again
On on the bumpy road to love.
Still I'll always, always keep the memory of

The way you hold your knife;
The way we danced 'til three;
...The way you've changed my life.
No, no, they can't take that away from me."

Remember that? I always think of you when I play this song. No one really ever plays these old songs anymore. Which is perfect because I wouldn't know how to react if they did. I might tear up with the thought of us and Raj singing this on our way to school. Those breakfast meals at McDonalds with hot chocolates! Raji with the pancakes, me with longganisa and egg and you with your good old cup of coffee.

I wish I can give you another heart-shaped kiss on the cheek and tell you that I love you and that I miss you and that I still think of you every single day. I've stopped wondering how my life would've been like if you were still around because hey, I've come this far already. A few years back, I'd still daydream that you were just stuck in some deserted island waiting to be found and that you'd come knocking at our door one day. Or that maybe I'd find a bunch of letters that you wrote just before you died so that me and my brothers would still know how to live our lives without you. And although those fantasies have died down already, the pain still remains. I've never really gotten around the fact that you're gone and that you're never coming back.

But hey, we're okay. And I hope you are too wherever you are. I drink beer now by the way and I don't even mind the taste of Pale Pilsen anymore, which I realize is the smell I remember you most by. Well, aside from your perfume and the smell of car freshener. So tonight, I'll be raising a toast for you and for the amazing person that you are. Death can only do so much to a man who's full of love, dreams and hopes. Death can never take those away from you nor from us who are still here, touched by your kindness and courage. How can we give up on life when it was you who gave it to us, who taught us how to live it and how to love it? We will never ever forget that. We will never ever forget you.

I love you so much Daddy! I'll always be your Baby Girl. :-)

Book Review: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

I LOVE IT! Hahaha! I will not pick out big words or catchy phrases to describe the book or the way it was written or the way I feel about it. It is what it is and I love it! And you all have to read it to see for yourself. :-) Ransom Riggs is one promising fellow and yes he is very talented. He originally planned this project to be picture book featuring his collection of vintage photographs. But being the genius that he is, he came up with these fantastic stories for each photo and thus this wonderful book materialized! I'm so glad it turned out like this and he said on his site that a sequel's coming up too! Yeay!

Oh and Jane Goldman (Stardust, X-Men First Class) has been asked to write its screenplay and Tim Burton (no need for introductions or citations) is rumored to be the film adaptation's director. This is gonna be amazing! Unfortunately I don't know any young Hollywood stars anymore so I don't have any bets for the cast but I vote Chloe Moretz as Emma and Tilda Swinton as Miss Peregrine! And since it might be a Tim Burton movie, please include Johnny Depp in the line-up! I can see him as a villain! 

Anyway here's a book trailer that Riggs wrote and directed himself. I didn't know there was such a thing as one actually but it's pretty cool. Check out his other amazing (and creepy) videos on his YouTube channel too!

Hair Talk (and probably the last one ever)

I wanted to make sure that this blog will have zero tolerance for personal dramas, self-indulgence or boy stuff (don't worry I don't have much of those anyway haha) but here I am posting a Picnik-ed webcam photo of myself sporting a new hairdo!

NOTE: For Picnik fans, I heard that they're possibly shutting down the site or maybe moving it to Google+. Either way, changes are happening and they better be good. But at least Premium features are now available, for free!

Back to my hair... Hahaha! Okay that was a very vain statement but I just can't believe it's gone! Or at least half of it. The last time it was this long:

And it would actually start to curl/wave and worse, tangle even if I try my best to comb it! I'm not a big fan of hair brushing or hair treatments or hair care in general. Basically, my hair is a bunch of "filamentous biomaterial" I let hang around my head. But now that it's more manageable, I plan to take care of it like a real lady would. Hihihi!

Anyway... it's only been the 23rd day of the year but I'm already having a pretty awesome ride. And I think there's no better way than to say it in a playlist! If my music picks turn out to be boring and monotonous than please pardon me. I'm notorious for loving r&b, mo-town, soul and the like. And I've been listening to a lot of this stuff more than ever these days. I guess there's just something about this type of music that helps me feel warm (and even sexy) inside. ;-)

Once On A Surfboard

It was just my second surf trip, so I cannot really identify myself as a "surfer" but here are some of the things I've learned during my last beach trip. Most of which I've concocted while floating on a surfboard. :-)

The Sea is a dangerous lover.
I think I am a child of the sea. Or the ocean. Either way, water is definitely my "element." I've always associated myself with it since I was a child. I love to swim (although technically I am no good at all), bathe, dance in the rain... everything that can involve being submerged in hydrogen dioxide. I wished so bad that we can become rich so my parents can afford having a pool in our backyard. And during vacations, I'd usually be the first one to pull off my clothes and run to the shore!

But as much as I am in love with it, the ocean scares me. The fear of drowning or being pulled down by either currents or sea creatures just freaks me out. There was a time when I was swimming alone and the sky started getting cloudier that I had to run as fast as I could to the shore. All the while I was picturing out the dozen stories I heard of people getting swallowed or being offered up to the sea. I just don't want to be one of them. Dark waters have always been in my nightmares.

But the next morning when the sea was friendlier and I was happily floating on my surfboard, a different lover showed its face. The sea was nicer and the waves less harsh. The way the water rolls and curls as it pursues the shore almost makes me want to cry. I never noticed it before, partly because other than riding a boat or staying on a surfboard, you would never really get a good view of the "back of the wave". The water illuminates in such a majestic fashion as it rolls itself down the sand. Amazing how nature works. All these scientists can explain what moves these waters to dance the way they do but I guess they can never really explain its true beauty. Even I am not in the position to do so. One just has to see it to believe it.

Out here you are so little, but so alive. So alone, but so connected at the same time.
Sometimes we think we're all this and all that but really we aren't. Nature always humbles you, especially the sea. No swimmer, no diver, no expert can outdo the ocean once it chooses to impose its power. We're all children once we're out here. We all breathe the same air, swim in the same waters, run through the same grains of sand. No matter how expensive your garb or gadgets may be, you'll all end up a wet and burnt. There's just no fighting it.

But then again, there is so much life! The sea inspires me, it almost always does. It ignites feelings of nostalgia, fear, love, longing and hope. Even when you are by the shore alone, you know it's not only you out there. Once you touch the waters, you are connected to almost everyone in the world. All the treasures, junk, funk and whatnots of every nation are dumped in this big ol' body of water.

The Waves will not stop for you.
I've described the way the waves look once they've gone pass you but let me tell you how they'll hit you. From afar, they can be deceiving. Most waves will taunt you but once they come, they're really nothing after all. Some look harmless but end up wiping you out. Others come successively but you can't give up. The big ones will be tough. You can either stay afloat and hope the damage won't kill you... or you can paddle your way through and ride. Making the experience worth your while.

There was this one wave that was pretty big for my level. I wasn't looking out since I had an instructor and at that point, I was pretty tired so I just asked him to give me one he thinks I can ride while I rested my head on the board and wallowed away.

As I reminisced about random things and watched the other surfers, I hear him shout out load, "paddle!" I figured it was just another wave but when I looked back, it was pretty titanic (or at least for me). I was scared. I knew I couldn't do it. I rode one just a little bit smaller and I failed. Lost my balance and scratched me knee. I was scared this one can do even bigger damage. But while I collected my thoughts he just kept shouting at me, "paddle!"

It's now do or die. If I let this one pass me by, I'd get hit pretty hard. I'll survive of course but it won't be entirely painless. Or I can rise through the challenge. So I paddled hard, looked forward and moved as fast I could. I can feel the water pushing me harder and faster and if I don't stand now, I won't get to stand ever. "Tayo!" was my cue and I rose. I was taken aback at first because I can see myself a few good feet above the water and probably a few more above the ground. I can hear the other surfers and locals cheering and our friends by the shore giving me their thumbs up! It was probably the best 8 seconds of the whole trip and I cannot believe I doubted myself.

When life hits you a big one, I guess you have no other choice but to paddle, rise and ride. It'll be all worth it in the end. :-)